Jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

[elion]

(Yes, I'm still bored. :sleep: ) So.. uh.. air line food.. whats with that stuff.... :hat:

[NaliWarCow]

Well, i'll post all the jokes I know.

-How many French does it take to defend Paris?

No one knows, its never been done.

-Have you seen the new French flag?

Its a white cross on a white background.

-Found on e-bay:

French World War 2 rifle found by German officer in Paris. Never been fired, only dropped once.


Nothing personal to any of you who are french.

[mariofan]

what do you call 10000 men with their arms up?
the french army...

[Starpromo]

theres two snowmen in a feild one snowman says to the other... can you smell carrots?

[mariofan]

theres two moths on a wall, one goes to the other.... im moth

two pubes on a toilet, one goes to the other - what you doing...
the other says im waiting till i get pissed off..

[nobody]

mario- i dont get the moth one... I DONT GET IT!!!
EXPLAIN IT TO ME!!!!!!
ok all better

[mdipi]

those are some funny ones!

[Law]

the tooth fairy, santa clause, an honest lawyer, and a buisness man are walking down the street.
they all spot a $100 bill lying on the floor.
who gets there first?

the buisness man the other three don't exist.

[nobody]

Eggs, Pancakes and Bacon walk into a bar. They sit down and ask for a menu. THe bartender says "We don't serve breakfast".

[Starpromo]

dude, you have pancakes for breakfast?

your so lucky...

[Starpromo]

another one

theres two cows in a feild one says "Mooo" and the other says " d a m n i was about to say that"

:)

[Law]

yeah but American pncakes aren't as good as English ones

[Mik3]

WHat? The moth one desn't make any sense ???

[Starpromo]

maybe thats why its funny...

[I am the Noah]

Ive got a good joke

There was this woman pregnant with three children. She was shot three times one day. She went to the doctor and he said "You will be ok and your children will be fine too, but the bullets will have to stay in you."

~13 years later~

One of her boys came running in saying "Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!" She told him to sit down and she told him the story of her being shot. Then one of her other sons came in saying ""Mom! Mom! I was craping and a bullet came out!" She told him to sit down and she told him the story too. Then the last son came running in screaming "Mom! Mom! Mom!" and she said, "You found a bullet too?" then the boy said,"No, I was jacking off, and i shot the dog!"

The End

- Hope you liked it :)

[[Legoman]]

"I'm moth" sounds a bit like "I'm off" I'm afraid it's the only explanation.

[!*@&]

Originally posted by Law
the tooth fairy, santa clause, an honest lawyer, and a buisness man are walking down the street.
they all spot a $100 bill lying on the floor.
who gets there first?

the buisness man the other three don't exist.

lol

[!*@&]

Originally posted by Starpromo
another one

theres two cows in a feild one says "Mooo" and the other says " d a m n i was about to say that"

:)

old one but still nice

[!*@&]

here i will tell you a joke

there was a man looking for his wife; so he asked his son did u see your mom. the kid says yeah she went to her friend fee fee the father siad no i was with fee fee. :)

get it?

not really a good one but i have another really goood one but i cant translated into english. plus even if i do it wont come out as i want it to.

[Lacuna]

maybe i enjoy the cheese jokes but my fav so far has got to be


xxvii-
Eggs, Pancakes and Bacon walk into a bar. They sit down and ask for a menu. THe bartender says "We don't serve breakfast".



i LOVE it! :love:

~ Seretha

[Lacuna]

here's one packed full of cheese for ya..

-
A man, walking down the street, walked into a bar..

ow.

-

HAHAHA.. ya gotta love the cheese. It's a classic.

:love: ~ Seretha

Yea...it's kinda late I shouldn't be operating any sort of machinery right now.....

[nobody]

woohooo someone likes my joke:beam:
!@*&$%^!$@#*&^$*!@ I dont get yours

[Lacuna]

he 'walks' into the 'bar'....

like a physical bar not a place of business..(the metal bar kind, not the drinkin kind.)

haha...cracks me up.

[nobody]

wait... so what your trying to tell me is that.. well.. the poin that your trying to get across is.. see.. the thing you are trying to say to me.. like.. i dont know how to put this... is that there are 2 meanings to the word "bar".
I think thats how rednecks say bahhh... barrrrr

[!*@&]

i remember a really wierd story but i whenever i think of it and imagine it i find it so funny. well here it goes...

i have a sister who is 22 years old. she is the nicesest person on earth. well there was one time when she went to the supermarket and she was buying somethings. on the other side of the shellf there was a 50-60 year old woman who was staring at her for like about 20 min. my sister saw her but she ignored her for a while and then she decided to walk up to her. she asked the old woman what is wrong? is there a problem? do you need help? the woman replied and siad no but you look just like my duaghter who pased away 2 years ago and i couldn't stop looking at you. then as i told you my sister is the nicesest person on earth so she decided to talk to her. they talked for about 1 30 min. then both of them finished and they went up to the cashier. the woman went first and before she was done she told my sister look i just want you tell me bye mom see you later. my sister was so shocked and surprised. she thought this woman was crazy. but she did it. when my sister finished the casheir told her your bill is $160. my sister said WHAT that cant be all i have got is $20 and all i bought is even less than that. then the cashier told her yes i know but what about your mom. my sister was ticked off and told the casheir jst wait one sec. i will be back. she ran as hard as she could and she caught the door as the old woman was closing it. because my sis. was ticked off the opend the door really hard and told the woman hey you did not pay your bill. and the woman went crazy and she started swearing you SOB i am going to call the police and u will get in trouble and she continued on and she tried to close the door. the woman's car was a range rover so ti was high my sister was pulling on the woman's leg just like i am pulling yours.























:) get it?

[ahmed]

Originally posted by !*@&
here i will tell you a joke...................get it? no :whistle:

[Lacuna]

-xxvii
he says 'ow' cause he hurt himself walking into a metal bar...that's it...thats the whole joke.

lol

[!*@&]

Originally posted by ahmed
no :whistle:

well i wont explain it now.

i will see if other people get or not.

if not then i will explain it

[!*@&]

so it seems no body gets it

well here i will explain it.

when u say i am pulling on your leg that means that i am making things up. :beam:

i dont even have a sister

[!*@&]

why are guys better than girls

1. our phone calls are 3 min long
2. we need only one bag of clothes for a 5 day holiday
3. when you are flipping through channels we don’t stop at each channel that has a person crying
4. we don’t need to take a bag full of crappie things wherever we go
5. We can take a shower and be ready in 10 min.
6. 3 pieces of clothes don’t cost over $50
7. if you reach 30 yrs old nobody will say anything
8. if someone came to a party wearing like you it doesn’t matter
9. when a woman reaches 18 it is just like soccer 22 players follow her
10. when a woman reaches 28 it is just like basketball 10 players follow her
11. when a woman reaches 38 it is just like golf only one person follows her
12. when a woman reaches 48 it is just like tennis everybody is trying to get rid of her :beam: :P

no offense

[pinx]

two *****es are walking down a railroad. one gets run over and the other one pisses himself from laughter.

[mdipi]

that one about your sister is halarious! and so is the one withthe guys vs. women! that last weener one was ok too

[lava]

Here's a dorky MIT joke.

A bar walks in to a man. Whoops, wrong reference frame...

[lava]

How is duck tape like the force?
It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

[lava]

The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class, "You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod..."

That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.

[nobody]

Originally posted by lavaboy
How is duck tape like the force?
It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

thats so great
i love duct tape

[ahmed]

Originally posted by lavaboy
Here's a dorky MIT joke.

A bar walks in to a man. Whoops, wrong reference frame... lol!:P

[lava]

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

[nobody]

oh man that was horrible raf

[lava]

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.

[nobody]

haha.. wow.. just wow

[lava]

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.

[Swank]

theres 2 apples baking in the oven, one apple turns to the other and goes "Wow, its pretty hot in hre" The other apple replies" OMG! its a talking apple"


hey now, stop with the french stuff, im part french and proud ofit

[lava]

dude... the footer I made you! what did you do to it??? you need to fix it man..

[Aislin]

A disabled man in a wheelchair's friend arrives at the house. The man in the wheelchair asks his friend to grab his slippers that are upstairs for him, so that they can go out for a roll-n-stroll.
The friend agrees, of course, and runs up the stairs to get the slippers.

When he gets there, he see's the disabled man's two stunningly beautiful twin daughters (of the age 18 or so) talking in their room.
"Hi girls."
"Hi."
"Your dad sent me up here to have sex with you."
"**** off. He'd never do anything like that."
"I'll prove it," the man said, stepping closer to the stairs. He yelled down to the disabled man....
"Both of them?"
"Yes, both of them, you idiot!"

[mariofan]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

[mariofan]

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl ... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family ... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared!!!

[nobody]

the potatoes are good...:*(

[Swank]

lavaboy, iput in exactly what you sia,d and htats how it came up

[NaliWarCow]

Whats better than putting a baby head first into a blender?
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Putting it in feet first to see the expression on its face.

[!*@&]

Originally posted by NaliWarCowZ
Whats better than putting a baby head first into a blender?
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Putting it in feet first to see the expression on its face.

lol
that is really funny

[Makaveli]

A husband, so proud of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of six" rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles.

A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of six," he would say, "Get me a beer!" "Hey mother of six, what's for dinner tonight?" This type of situation persisted to a boiling point.

Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yelled out, "Hey mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife seized the moment and shouted back, "I'll be right with you -- father of four!"

[!*@&]

lol
makavelli so after all you do have sense of humor. i thought you didn't. from your avatar and sig i thought you where a mad man

no J/K:P

[!*@&]

tafeelee = a very dumb person

there are two tafeelees standing on a river bank but they are on the opposite side. so one tells the other hey how can i come the opposite side. other replies you idiot you are on the opposite side.


hehehehehehehe

how to keep a tafeelee busy - read the next line
how to keep a tafeelee busy - read the previous line

hahahahaha

a tafeelee opened an electronic store. so one day someone called and told him " my bell isn't working can you come and fix it." so the tafeelee sadi i will be right there in 30 min" so the guy waits 4 hours and the tafeelee still did not come so he called and told the tafeelee "hey i have been waiting for 4 hours where are you" the tafeelee says "i came and rang the bell and nobody answered"

lol

tafeelee went to a pizza restuarant. so he ordered a medium pizaa. the waiter says "do you want me to cut it for you into 6 or 8 pieces" so the tafelee says "make it 6 i cant eat 8"

loooooool


now those jokes must crack you up just like they craked me up.

hehehehahahahaha

what do you do to a tafeelee to confuse him
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put him in a rounded room and tell him to sit in the corner

for more info about tafeelee ppl ask B-Dawg he knows everything about them

[!*@&]

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your Captain Abu Nawaf welcoming you to the Royal Jordanian ,We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather, and some overtime I had to put in at my Taxi.
This is flight 126 to Tunisia. Landing in Tunisia is not guaranteed, but We will end up somewhere in the West. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Royal Jordanian has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can Arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits!

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can Help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air Tunis, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin Is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as Possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know.

Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off And fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. For those of you, who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.!!!
Welcome on Board of the Royal Jordanian, hope you enjoy yur flight !!!"

I know it's old but LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[coyotekel]

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mouse?

[nobody]

elemouse?

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino?

[lava]

elephant*mouse*sin(theta)

what do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?

[nobody]

raf, what... that was very very confusing..
and for your joke... dinner

[lava]

it's an old physics joke...

[nobody]

oh.. i still dont get it

[prstudio]

that physics joke was horrible...lol

[lava]

it'd be funny if you knew some physics.

[nobody]

sniff
stop descriminating against me because im stupid.. i mean ignorant

[coyotekel]

Originally posted by coyotekel
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mouse?

Really big holes in your walls.

[coyotekel]

that was told to me by my son. so you better pretend to laugh.

[nobody]

haha.. no one answered mine yet.. come on guys

Elephant + Rhino = Elephino (Hell If I know)
har har

[Alex]

lol :P

[lava]

Originally posted by coyotekel
Really big holes in your walls.

aw, I thought you were bringing a smart joke to the board. But I had been wondering why they arbitrarily picked mouse and elephant.

Anyways, the answer to what do you get when you cross a moutain climber and an elephant is:

YOU CAN'T, A MOUNTAIN CLIMBER IS A SCALAR!

[coyotekel]

Originally posted by lavaboy
aw, I thought you were bringing a smart joke to the board. But I had been wondering why they arbitrarily picked mouse and elephant.

Hey:angry:, that's pretty smart coming from a five year old boy. Besides one day when you have children you'll share every stupid joke they tell you with everyone and they will all wonder what's wrong with you. lol :)

Happy Easter everyone.
:egg:

[Makaveli]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his
future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a
beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about
you."

The frog is thrilled, "This is great!

"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!"
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"Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked. "I heard him tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit" the little boy answered.

[nobody]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
hahahahahaha

[Alex]

ahaha thats really funny!! :P

[Lambo Biker]

A man and a woman just got married recently and, before they toke off to Italy for their honeymoon they decided to stay at the house of the males parents for a couple of nights. Well the first night passes along perfectly but on the second night a dilemma soon occurs. The mother of the young male cooks an extremely elegant breakfast but when she calls the newly wed couple to come downstairs to eat they, do not come. The mother of the man called the couple for hours but they still do not come to the breakfast table. The little brother said to his mom "mom I think" but his mother soon interrupted and said "I don't care what you think".

Next the mother prepares a lavish lunch. But like before when she calls the newly wed couple they still do not come down to eat. After an hour of calling the newly wed couple she gives up. The little brother then says "mom I think" but the mom who is extremely frustrated says “I don't care what you think"

Next the mom prepares a wonderful dinner with several courses and, once the dinner is done she then again calls the couple to eat. But the couple still does not come downstairs to eat. The little brother then says " mom I think" then the mother replies " fine tell me what you think" then the boy proceeds to say " last night when my brother came downstairs to get the Vaseline I think he toke the crazy clue instead. It's a bit dirty
:toad:

[nobody]

haha, nice one lambo, and welcome to the forums:beam:
enjoy your stay

[Alex]

lol!

Welcome to the forums. If you have any questions just ask :)

[Hawk]

Originally posted by Seretha Blaze
-xxvii
he says 'ow' cause he hurt himself walking into a metal bar...that's it...thats the whole joke.

lol
dont waste your "breath", 28 is ignorant!!

:beam:

ive got nothin to contribute... although i do enjoy stand up comedy... but thats something you gotta see... so...

peace
hawk


(p.s. anyone listen to, or heard of pablo francisco or stephen lynch? they are hilarious!!)

bye

[!*@&]

one time there where two ppl wondering about what organ should they donate. so one of them said "can i donate my butt" the other replies "if you do, where are you gonna keep your brain"

[nobody]

Originally posted by Hawk
dont waste your "breath", 28 is ignorant!!

:beam:

ive got nothin to contribute... although i do enjoy stand up comedy... but thats something you gotta see... so...

peace
hawk


(p.s. anyone listen to, or heard of pablo francisco or stephen lynch? they are hilarious!!)

bye

*sniff*
:*(

[Illuminae]

Five reasons why computers must be female:

No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message "Bad command or filename" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

...... and on the other hand .......

Top eight reasons why computers must be male

They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
A better model is always just around the corner.
They look attractive until you bring them home.
It is always necessary to have a backup.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
The lights are on but nobody's home.
Big power surges knock them out for the night.
Size does matter.

[RussianBeer]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

[Illuminae]

im FROM nj :(

[Illuminae]

hehehehe. so true though

[RussianBeer]

Yeah.. If I was from NJ , I would feel sad too... :(
















lol.. jk :flower: !

[Illuminae]

hehe, no lie, true story

when i was about 12, i wrote a letter to Billy Corgan, formerly of Smashing Pumpkins... he was my idol at the time
a few months later he sent me a hand written letter back...
at one point in the letter he said, and i quote...
"if i was young and in NJ i would make many sad jokes too..."

LMAO

[RussianBeer]

Kevin Spacey is from Nj !

Thats pretty cool! Hey

But hey , its now ur in boston! Thats a baddass city! I've been there once , when I drove from montreal...

[Illuminae]

holy crap, u live in montreal??? that is the BEST CITY IN THE WORLD. i almost moved there...

**homer voice*** mmmmm..poutiiiine

[RussianBeer]

It aint the best city in the world.. once you get trought its superficial surfice its not that great at all...
But still fun!

Boston is so much better! You guys have the Drop Kick Murphy's!!!!

Poutine is good!

[Illuminae]

hehehe, maybe i never got past the superficial surface....
but there is so much cool stuff,
and the best pancakes i've ever had :beam:
and french talking people, im a sucker for french

[RussianBeer]

Mais ce n'est pas vraiment francais!

Yeah, but if u dont know it , they hate u! There is cool crap galore though!

[Illuminae]

LOL, wanna hear a funny story?
one of the first times i was in montreal i didnt knwo much french, and there was this bum who was always on the corner asking for money, and i asked my friends how to tell him, "im sorry, i can't help you"
and they taught me how to say
"im sorry, my pants are on fire"
so i said it to him, and he laughed maniacly and everytime i saw him again, he said "my pants are on fire" and laughed real loud and pointed... heheheh

also...

Mais c'est du français... et peu importe, que ça soit du français de France ou du Québec, ça demeure charma!!!

[RussianBeer]

Thats hilarious..
Yeah, I new this bum in montreal, cuz my school was downtown, I would always walk through the middle of the city.. he would always find the tallest place and yell "Can you spare some change!!!! It's for Alcohol I SWEAR!!!"

-When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. -

Charmant? No, pas du tout! Est que c'est charmant quand que'll quin te dit: Esti de cauliss de tabarnaque! Bein' le le c'est le le!!!

[Illuminae]

i heard that joke before!! too funny.

Je voulais dire,,, le language est charmant, pas celui qui t'engueulait! Et en plus, les pancakes étaient super charmant!!

[RussianBeer]

Yeah, 100% agree
I love food, and pancackes!
Mais ou? A quel restaurant?

[Illuminae]

Je sais pas,,, un petit resto ou ils servent les dejeuners sur le plateau... Ma place préférée c'est ''PI'' sur st-laurent

[RussianBeer]

Ah, mois j'ai habite sur la cote ouest de ville.. Wesmount, NDG, et en centre ville.. La ville est belle.. mais meme si tu trouves la langue charmante, pas moi. La seul raison que je parle c'est langue, c'est parseque j'ai ete force! Par le governement du Quebec... Je voulais aller dans une ecole anglaise quand j'ai venu de la Russie. Je conais beacoup de persones qui ont des serieu problem, a cause de ca....

Ou a tu apris a parler en francais?

[Illuminae]

Pourquoi t'aimes pas le Francais ? C'est tellement beau! Excitant et merveilleux ! C'est dommage que tu aies été forcé de l'apprendre. Moi j'ai appris par mes amis. :)
On devrait parler Anglais maintenant... on s'est éloigné du sujet

[RussianBeer]

Yeah, good point.. you speak, REAL well...! if u just learned from ur freinds!

[Illuminae]

hehe. thanks. heres a good joke, to get onto thread topic a bit.... lol


What is the difference between a boy and a girl?

The boy is eight times more likely to be convicted of murder.

[RussianBeer]

Why are the duck's feet webbed?
To stomp out fires!
Why are an elephants feet flat?
To stomp out burning ducks!

[ribcage]

A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."
"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."

[ribcage]

A guy goes to his doctor because he’s been having problems remembering things. After a battery of tests the doctor says, "Unfortunately, I have bad news, and I have very bad news."

"What’s the very bad news?" the man asks warily.

"Well," says the doctor, "our tests show that you have cancer and only have three weeks to live."

"Oh, my God!" says the man. "Well, what’s the bad news?"

"Our tests indicate that you also have Alzheimer’s disease," says the doc.

"Well, I can always look on the bright side," says the man. "At least I don’t have cancer!"

[ribcage]

A guy from Quebec and a guy from Ontario are fighting over a lantern when a genie pops out and grants them each one wish.

The Quebecer says, "I want a wall around Quebec to protect my culture. Make it about 150 feet high, so nothing can get in or out."

"It is done," says the genie, turning to the other guy. "And your wish?"

The guy from Ontario smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

[ribcage]

A duck walked into a hardware store and asked the man behind the counter, "Do you have any gwapes?"
The man replied, "Uh…no." The duck turned around and left.
The next day the same duck came back and asked the same man, "Do you have any gwapes?"
The man, getting quickly irritated, said, "No, we do not have any grapes! And, if you come in here one more time and ask for grapes, I’m gonna staple your feet to the floor!"
The duck quickly waddled out of the store. The next day the duck came back and stepped up to the same man and asked, "Do you have any staples?"
The man shouted, "No!"
Then the duck said, "Do you have any gwapes?"

[Alex]

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of soda pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans of soda keep coming out.
A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use the machine?"
"**** off!" she says. "Can't you see I'm winning?"

[mariofan]

the last few jokes will have me laughing for ages!! lol

two homosexuals are on a beach, one says to the other - shall i put the umberella up?
yeah, says the other - but dont open it..

[Bullet-Shells]

The Avrage kid goes to______a day
a)whitehouse.com site B)kirupafourm.com?



While kirupa goes to_________ a day.

a)whitehouse.com B)kirupafourm.com

[DariusMonsef]

This joke is better when said.


Two peanuts are walking down a dark alley.

One was a salted.

[Kitiara]

This is my patented comedy routine, generally employed after a few alcoholic beverages. :)

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said
"Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the
splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it
was Wedgie Kray.

The other day I sent my boyfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang him up, I said "Do you get my drift?".

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a
complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are
pickled onions".

I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a Competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster"

[Kajinku]

Originally posted by lavaboy
Here's a dorky MIT joke.

A bar walks in to a man. Whoops, wrong reference frame...

That's the most nerdy joke ever! :P

[mlk]

What's worse than a baby in a trash container ?

- A baby in TWO trash containers..

What's sweet, pink, and knocks on the window ?

- A baby in a microwave oven....

What's pink and read and goes around very fast ?

- You get it, a baby in a mixer....


(harharhar i read the Frenchadian part of the thread - hehe TABARNACLE...)

[mariofan]

green and screams - baby in a plastic bag.

green and quiet - dead baby in a bag.

however, lets get off the baby jokes

[mlk]

oops im sorry mariofan :trout:
forgot about your recent new 'acquaintance' :beam:

[Law]

what do you call a man floatig up and down in the sea

Bob

What do you call a man buried in moorland

Pete

[ribcage]

Q: What’s the difference between Canada and Minnesota?
A: In Canada, Moosehead is a beer. In Minnesota, it’s a misdemeanor.

[ribcage]

Doughboys
Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Hey, man, it’s getting pretty hot in here."
"Holy sh#t!" the other muffin replies. "A talking muffin!"

[ribcage]

Q: What’s the difference between the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus and the Rockettes?
A: One’s a cunning array of stunts …

[mlk]

Poor you, I bet you were traumatized when you were young by people who said that joke, now you need to communicate your pain....