The Best Resignation Letter Ever

[fester8542]

Another great email I thought I would share

*************************


Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers,USA, to
her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!



Dear Mr. Baker,



As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.



Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only
a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because
I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to
provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth
time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP
is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.



You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for
your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.



Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.



Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
have a few parting thoughts.



1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for
you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the
next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be
unable to do it on your own.



2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently
saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that
terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.



3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's
birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)



Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 amtomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.



Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what
you do with all that free time!



Wishing you a grand and glorious day Cecelia

[h88]

ROTFLMAO!!!

You know, that's an efficient, yet brainy, way to get your recommendation!

*prints*

LOL.

[hificopymaster]

LOL! :D That is too cool.

[Mooey]

Simply amazing :D:D

[h88]

Hmm, working as a computer adminstrator doesn't seem bad after all.. :q: :evil:

[The_Vulcan]

How truthful is it ?

*************

I pulled something like that on my administration manager once. I wrote a resignation and made it clear it was because of him, knowing he would have to send it interstate to higher management.

When my 2 weeks notice was up he called me into his office and pulled out my letter and told me that he had not forwarded it. He apologized and asked if he could throw it in the bin…. I let him.

Later that day he pulled me aside and told me that many people before, bigger than me had tried to get ride of him before…. That he is still here and they are long gone.

*************

At a different job I got pissed at the manager and said I resigned, grabbed my jacket from the office and walked out. He said that he wanted it in writing. I went back into the office, grabbed one of his business cards and wrote “I quit” on the back. As I walked passed him I held it out and when he went to grab it I dropped it. :D

[fester8542]

I googled it.

Its a fakie. But it was funny though.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/zantex.asp

[The_Vulcan]

To bad it is not real.... or it would have been a classic.....

Although the managers lawyers would have had a field day with it....
Never put threats in writing....

[GreenLantern]

I wish I had the balls to do something like that.

[pom]

I wish I'll never be in position to write something like that :)

[sinus_]

haha! that's a good one! :D

[SeiferTim]

The problem with this is that it could very easily be handed over to 'the Authorities'....
I actually 'threatened' another employee once, by e-mail, and had to go to court...
Basically, he was posting on a site called f*ckedcompany.com (without the star), all kinds of information about the job we worked at... that wasn't so bad, big deal, but he started giving out full names of people that worked there, and information on how to find them: "Yeah, if your ever near this address, go tell so-and-so I said 'hi!', and then punch them in the face for me!", he kept putting down one of our team leads, who was a really nice... she found the site, and got all upset about it, 'cause her name was listed.... so, while at home, I sent him an e-mail, nothing serious, basically just said: "You need to cut it out, its not funny, you're putting other peoples careers/lives in danger, and everyone knows you're doing this... knock it off before something seriously bad happens."
I made up a hotmail account specifically to send this e-mail, and he sent it to all the supervisors in the company, saying he was being threatened....
I went to my boss, and said that I had e-mailed him, not to threaten, but to try to protect myself, and my co-workers, that the "something seriously bad", was in reference to someone actually tracking one of us down, with the information he posted on the site... but I was told that since he was seeing it as a threat, it would be treated as a threat... so I was 'let go'.... a few weeks later, I got a call from one of the higher ranking officers of the Saint Louis Police Department, who said that my ex-job was pressing charges on behalf of the guy who I 'threatened', and was technically being arrested, but he wasn't going to show up at my house, and cuff me, he wanted me to come down to the station, answer some quick questions, and stuff... so I did, and was given a court date... the cop was real cool about it, saying that he read the e-mail, and he would have done the same thing.... which was why he was being so cool about the whole thing...
So I went to court a few weeks later, and was freaking out, since I'd never so much as cheated on a quiz in school, let along break any laws... so I'm sitting in the court room, sweating bullets, and then they never call my name... I go up to the guy, and say: "Yeah... um... I was supposed to be here.... today..." and he says: "Ah yes, here you are.... 'charges dropped', thanks for coming." (like it was a consilation prize), so I went home.... I found out later, from a friend that worked there, that the guy I e-mailed had been fired not long after I got the call from the cop, and was rumored to be having a lawsuit against him from the company for 'divulging proprietary information', and 'putting employees at risk of personal harm'...

[SureShot]

wow Tim... that is a crazy story - and it's real :)


Fester, that was one of the funniest things I have ever read. It's pretty easy to tell it's more than likley fake (as you proved) but it is still so great. Thanks man! :)

[SeiferTim]

...and I liked that job, too...
had a DreamCast in the Break Room, and all the vending machines were $.25 for everything: snacks, and cans of soda: both a Pepsi and a Coke machine.... I could eat like a king for $1 a day... :(
And who can say no to SoulCaliber battles during lunch?

[The_Vulcan]

Ha ha ha……. You were lucky although it should have never gone that far.

I had a manager that was into pornography, he would call us into his office to check it out, and the guys at work would lend each other cd’s and stuff.

Anyway I sent a joke e-mail to my manager…..
It was titled “how to earn a promotion” and the from line was from his manager.
It was a picture of a coupe of bears doing something.

My manager thinking that it came from his manager because that’s what was in the from line. Called his manager in head office and asked what’s the big idea with this e-mail.
Well the sh-t hit the fan and it was forwarded to the company’s tech department for tracing.

When I came back to work I asked my manager did he get my e-mail…. He went off his nut and told me what had happened and to keep my mouth shut. (Gullible computer illiterate idiot)

Considering it came from my hotmail address that is the same as my uni address made up of my sir name. The tech department must have had a good laugh and did nothing…. Cause it would have taken a 4 year old 30 seconds to figure that out.

After I resigned from that company, dragged them through court for unpaid wages…. I sent an e-mail to that area manager telling him about my joke, and how my manager wastes time in his office showing employees and customers pornography, and that he knew it was me that sent the e-mail but kept it a secret.
I don’t know what happened with that, but my manager was built like a quarterback so I hope I don’t run into him on the street. :D

[McGiver]

Next time make the threat more clearly =)

[The_Vulcan]

Nah….. You put sugar in his gas tank…..

Then when he gets to work you walk around the office with a bag of sweets and when you get to him….
“Would you like one of these sugary treats ?”

:D

[McGiver]

no the sugar trick is old and it's not that good.
the car will survife it (new filters and new gas needed of course), and he will recognize it instantly.

throw a small paper ball into his car. From time to time it will block the aspiration hole, the motor doesn't get enough gas anymore, and it will go off.
After that, the car will work fine again for some time.
Imagine how it sucks if yo drive along and the motor perishes, you don't know why and everyone around starts loughing at you. And what's best: the mechanic must be a genius to recognize what's wrong with the car.

[SeiferTim]

...hmmm.... I overheard a co-worker in the break-room describing those exact same symptoms to another co-worker.... she was upset 'cause her mechanics couldn't get the car to malfunction, and were charging her when they couldn't even do anything... :!:

[The_Vulcan]

My whole point is that he would think..... But could never be sure :)

[McGiver]

well it would definately work your way too :P

[GreenLantern]

Wait a minute I, I mean somebody, needs to put this paper ball into the gas tank?

[McGiver]

yep, thats what my driving theacher told me (in germany we are forced to take driving lessons with professionals, I had a rather funny one)

works best with old cars where the gas tank has no lock

[Digitalosophy]

man i just got to read this, great post fester this is a classic

lolita lmao sick f,.

[radioxromance]

lolita lmao sick f
From the smut peddler himself ;)

[Jasninder]

hahaha great one fester
*fwding to all my buddies* and my brother who is a network engineer at HP

[DDD]

repugnant
Reminds me of the cartoon pinky and the brain.....

The funniest resignation I had the pleasureable opportunity to see was when my best friend quit his job when we were both working as web developers for our county government.

The initial plan was to go into the bosses office and use his arm to swipe a large amount of the bosses desktop trinkets on the floor. Clearing enough room to sit on the desk then do so and give him a tongue lashing them give him the hollywood I like like your style gesture and walk out. But in leiu of possible criminal charges he chose to:

While in a (big) meeting he kept snickering and making lil sly remarks under his breathe and being a general bug in the meeting. Then in the most shocking event I have ever seen in my life. He let out a really big fart and then said very loudly "this place stinks, I'm out of here Resignation is on your desk". He leaned to the side to expell his gas with a funny look on his face and everything. I tried sooooo hard not to laugh (along with others). Just the fact he just did this and the looks on everyones face coupled with the fact it was starting to stink.....Man I fell out of my chair laughing. The place erupted into laughter.

See our boss at the time was a true arsehole who took credit for all of our work and ideas. And presented them as his own. ANd my friend got fed up. I soon left but not in such a grand fashion. We have since went into business together and he remains my friend but as you can imagine it is never a dull moment with him...And his resignation letter is funny as hell too.....I'll see if I can find it or if he has a saved copy.

[Digitalosophy]

From the smut peddler himself ;)

:jail:

[radioxromance]

hahaha, that's great! Never would of thought to fart in a meeting! man!

[SeiferTim]

We have since went into business together and he remains my friend but as you can imagine it is never a dull moment with him...

So, is the running-your-own-business thing working for you guys?
I've been trying to do the same, but I have to work to have money, which means I have no time, which means I can't really work on stuff, unless I don't sleep, which means I'm tired, which means I have no energy..... yeah... vicious cycle... ;)

[DDD]

up front it was a sacrifice and from time to time I contract with temp agencies. But overall it is great. But you got to be careful what you ask for....It is whole different kind of pressure when you are your own boss. Have to be very focused and goal oriented.

[SeiferTim]

I need to get my site finished up, and then make up a nice portfolio, and start applying myself to local businesses to drive some business... perhaps (eventually), I can get myself out of this financial hole... :sure: any tips/tricks to help me out? You can PM me, if you want, so I can stop hijacking this thread... ;)
Sorry :P

[radioxromance]

or you can write it here cause I need em too ;)

[Timage]

The Best Resignation Letter Ever

I'd have to agree with you there. :D