The problems in relationships?

[DariusMonsef]

I was just wondering what you all see as the main problems in relationships these days. You can speak from your own personal experience and or what you have observed in others.

I see a change in the gender roles. ie woman now holding more cards like being able to succeed in business and or hold a top position in many of our social systems. This leaves men in more of a competition for women and is not so easy as it once was.

I also see a confusion in women holding this new power, ie girls gone wild. Women are holding more cards and feel more free to express themselves and challenge what would be taboo.

Fidelity issues. Women no longer have to settle for a man, and men seek out the comfort of another women to affirm that that are still in control.

So what do you think?

[Lost]

Hmmm, good topic. I myself am only 19, so I haven't experiecend much in forms of relationships. I have some thoughts though.

I think women ARE starting to come out and basically CHALLENGING men for positions in jobs. Usually you see men controlling a business, but more and more women are starting to take over. AWW WE ALL MUST FIGHT BACK MEN!

Just kidding. But thats all I really see. To young to give you an intelligant answer.

Lost

[Phat7]

I'll speak about a different problem.

I dated my ex-girlfriend for two years and we were deeply in love, happy and all. But then she started talking about marriage and that scared me off. I have other plans for future, like doing masters, succeeding in business, basically get myself stable before tying myself to someone long-term. But that means another 4-5 years, and I thought that she wouldn't wait that long. Or actually I knew she would, but she shouldn't, because that wouldn't have been a right thing to do on my side. :sigh:

Anyway, I have no regrets about what happened. The only things that stay are good memories. :sure:

[minimalistik]

Marriage is a big issue i think which deters relationships off the track. Relationships should always last long if you find your girl to have the same initial interests as you. Though when it finally getting seriously, getting married having kids, relationships start to be difficult. Of course this wouldnt be a matter if you were ready and were happy to get married. Though i think most guys now would like to work more and achieve more whether it maybe work or travel, succeed in business than just layering it all down. One thing of course is that girls wouldnt wait long, they long for marriage i guess. But if you and your partner have the same profession, thats good as both of you would have same problems at work so it wouldnt create a lot of problems like if both of you were tennis players.

[grimdeath]

This is true women are becoming more and more successfull in business and in life because most men are all about hustling and being cool in the streets. I used to be like this back when i was in my 13 to 18 years of age so i did alot of good and mostly BAD things which i thought were cool back in those ignorant years, but the early street life experiences i had in my youth are the ones responsible for who i am today.
I did everything i could imagine and got to the point of like whoa what am i gonna do now whats next, either i wouldve been in jail or maybe beggin for money to use drugs on the street i decided to go back to school and finish what i had started.

I worked by day and went to school at night got my Diploma became a father of 2 with the girl i thought was the correct one, but wasnt, again after separating from my ex wife i had a few rought months trying to adjust myself again, what i do?? i went to college and kept working during the day. Now im 26 i have a bachelors degree in publicity desings, a asociates degree in Business Administration, Computer Networking and Repairs and i have a OEM certification adn im planning on getting a Flash Certification and a MCSE Certification as well and whatever my boss wants me to study that will help in the company im currently working on, 2 wonderfull kids and a gf who likes most of the stuff i do but no marriage yet weve been going out for 2 years shes going to college so lets see what the future holds for me.

My advice to all of you young people out there stay in school there aint nothing in the streets that will give you the satisfaction, the fun, the unforgettable moments of school and college and then becomign a successfull person in life and always keep trying to become better and better and what you like to do study and practice, im not going to lie its been a hard road to my small success with all the situations ive been through and the time consuming things i do with my job, kids, gf, college, all im saying is fullfill your goals tehn worry about marriage it will be eaiser and you will be less stressed out. Good luck and godspeed ;)

[Tiina]

We have been living in a sociaty where men rule for so long, that now that we women don´t want to stay home, but want to be independent and want others to respect us aswell is a big issue for men- I hope in the future things will get easier for women also. Its not easy for a woman to succeed, women need to give up a lot if she decides to hace a carreer and succeed. But it will change in the future. In a relationship, my biggest problem has been respect. I have dated jerks who don´t give a **** what a girl respects. Other Religion. In other relationships, i have been afraid of him leaving me. Or me not loving him. That´s why i have never been able to give 100% of me to anyone. I seem to have somekind of a trauma, i just need to find someone who will take it away. And help me learn to trust...

[Digitalosophy]

We have been living in a sociaty where men rule for so long, that now that we women don´t want to stay home, but want to be independent and want others to respect us aswell is a big issue for men- I hope in the future things will get easier for women also.

o come on, women can do anything that men can, not sure where you live, but here its equal, and has been for many years.

[The_Vulcan]

I will tell you what the problem is with relationships.

Women !

How can one be expected to have a relationship with something as illogical as a female?

irrational,
illogical,
emotional,
unreasonable,
sensitive.

You can never win with a female because they make up the rules as they go along.

And they have a name for this………
A women’s prerogative

[Digitalosophy]

word man, my girl is crazy as you can get. she can actually talk herself into a bad mood in under 3.2 seconds.

[Tiina]

Women and we say men! Men are the problem;) So if women is such a problem, why do you bother been with a woman?;)

[DariusMonsef]

Communication is a huge problem. Men and women speak two different languages.

Most men lack a certain level of caring and sensitivity to listen and truly speak about how they feel. If you are unwilling to explain what is bothering you, you can’t expect someone to do anything different. It is not only a matter of being able to express what is a problem for you but also being able to express yours wants, your passions, the things you desire in your life. Most people are not mind readers and you have to be willing to ask for what it is you want.

Communicating doesn’t mean having all the answers. A good listener is there to acknowledge the person speaking and validate they have a concern and that they care about how the other person feels. Most often people don’t really listen when they are speaking emotionally. They are opening up and speaking about what is bothering them. A good listener can help organize the person speaking concerns and give them back to the speaker so they can hear what the problem is. Sometimes a person isn’t even sure what the problem is and by just expressing the raw emotions they can get out all the details of what is bothering them. The listener can help them find the problem by giving back all the problems that the person listed. To help someone with a problem doesn’t mean you have to solve their problem. You only need to be there to help them find the solution. It’s mans nature to want to solve problems. To have the answers and to feel like he is in control by fixing things. Well if a man can’t truly listen to what the problems are, there is a very small chance he can provide the solution.

And as far as feeling like you're being tied down...
A relationship shouldn’t serve as an anchor. A person shouldn’t feel like by committing themselves to someone else they are limiting themselves in any way. A relationship should serve as a sail. It is a support system for each person to achieve what it is they truly desire. If they are openly communicating their dreams and desires and supporting each other they are more likely to make those things happen.

[The_Vulcan]

I can’t speak for others.

But for me, as lovely as they are,
Miss Palmer and her 5 daughters can’t compete with a real women.

:beam: :beam: :beam:

[The_Vulcan]

Dam……. EthanM

When reading your post I felt like I was reading:
“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”

Now I am going to my cave….
And don’t even think about touching my rubber band !


Note:
I would never read such a book...
I am to manly for such rubbish...

[prstudio]

Honesty and telling who you really are.

Standing by your beliefs.

Not changing to fit another's idea of who you should be.

And the realization that the forces driving relationships are not different between men and women. They may be experienced differently, but the root causes are not.

Also people often pick the "ideal" and "utopian" forms of who they want to be with - not realizing what they truly need / desire out of a mate. They often realize all too late that beauty is fleeting compared to loyalty, and that some things just aren't that important.

Communication - most people aren't open about who they are in a personal relationship

and more over -
know who you are yourself, before you try to bring someone else into the picture.

[lunatic]

One word my friends, and really it's about one word only: money.

It is the cause of 95% of the breakups out there. Life is expensive and even with GOOD communication between partners (rare) it always comes down to money: who makes more, who should pay for what, who gets to spend, spend on what, you spend too much of what I make, yadda yadda yadda. Sad but true.

[The_Vulcan]

Your not that crazy are you....

While this doesn't apply to me.... cause "bling bling" for my women is more important to me than anything I want.

I know married people who have "his" money and "her" money....
I know one where she gives him (loans) cause he don't have no money.
She is now talking divorce... and thinks she is gonna get her (loans) back.
But then she is a blondes blonde...

[prstudio]

even the lack thereof - that added stress is more than people realize.

[lunatic]

Your not that crazy are you....

Yeah I'd like to think I got a pretty good head on my shoulders. ;)


But then she is a blondes blonde...

This sounds like the Jessica Simpson thread! :P

But yeah, with my guy we got HIS money (because he's got kids and the $$ issue with their moms is something I try to stay out of), MY money (same reason above), and OUR money. We split expenses, but he often runs out of cash before I do. It's REALLY hard not to be petty about it, but he's good about keeping his needs to a minimum so I end up feeling like a dumb a-hole for being selfish. Still, when things get tight the tension runs high in the household.

For all ya'll out there please remember when you get serious with someone to be super honest and open about money. It's one of the hardest things to talk about but the most important to be up front about.

:flower:

[The_Vulcan]

I dont even own a wallet...

My women holds all my cards.....
She always asks me for permission to buy things,
and I always ask her have I ever told you no ?
Stop asking me !

[Digitalosophy]

my girl helps me and i help her with money. sometimes i need some cash sometimes she needs some cash, so it 50/50. we don't nickel and dime, but then again we aren't married.

[CanadianGuy]

As a man i think all women are a little 'insane in the membrane,' but I love 'em for that.

Ethan maybe women are too sensitive?

[Digigamer]

can anyone imagine the day when women will hold more jobs in the technology industry then men? I'm talking about the real down and dirty stuff like programming, not like managing or sales positions.

[Digitalosophy]

can anyone imagine the day when women will hold more jobs in the technology industry then men? I'm talking about the real down and dirty stuff like programming, not like managing or sales positions.


sure i can. problem being is women in general are more into design and arts then programming.

i know a female that can code anyone here under the table, she's much older and has a ton of exp though.

and trust me she makes nuff bling bling.

i remember in college 90% of the females didn't like or do well in programming, they did however shine with the graphics.

[lunatic]

I love it when I can make code work. That's the problem though . . . making it work. :P

[telekinesis]

I'm 19 and already have 1 kid. Not Married.



















( Just Kidding ) :P

I've had the same girl for about 10 months, which is a long relationship for me. Usually it is a few dates waiting to get what I wanted then I usually leave. Then I guess you can say I matured out of that stage, thank god, and moved on to an actual "relationship". Only 10 months and she already talks about marriage, not now, but in the future. It is scaring the living bajesus out of me!

[telekinesis]

if women is such a problem, why do you bother been with a woman?;)Well, I guess that sums it down to 3 words:

We Are Straight! :thumb:

[Digitalosophy]

Usually it is a few dates waiting to get what I wanted then I usually leave. Then I guess you can say I matured out of that stage, thank god, and moved on to an actual "relationship". Only 10 months and she already talks about marriage, not now, but in the future. It is scaring the living bajesus out of me!

play on playa !
:p:

[DariusMonsef]

Women are by nature detail people. That might come from years of nuruting and raising children. I wouldn't be suprised at all if someday they hold more programming and detail oriented jobs.

As far as the money thing goes, I half agree. Yes it can be a problem that will rott away a relationship from the inside, but if a couple is really communicating well they will be able to talk about their finances. When you are open about what you make, and how you spend it there are more expectations for things. I personally come from an old school place where I expect to take care of my girl. I know full well she may make more than me someday, but it is the gentleman in me that likes to take care and provide for my girl.

[lunatic]

I personally come from an old school place where I expect to take care of my girl. I know full well she may make more than me someday, but it is the gentleman in me that likes to take care and provide for my girl.

I dated a guy like that. And I'm just not a girl that can handle that kind of relationship. Hats off to you my friend and no offense okay? I think it's really great. But when we would go see a movie - if I happenned to mention that I liked it then the next day I'd find the soundtrack and an action figure or something from the movie on my doorstep. And when we had our 'final' dinner out (I had already told him I was ending it) he took me to the most expensive restaurant in town and then tried to give me sapphire/gold earrings. :sigh: I couldn't take it!

I may be small and all but I hate being treated like something that can't get dirty or is too delicate to walk on the streetside, or open a door by myself, or take me and my boy out to a movie, or DRIVE us anywhere. Sheesh. :upset:

EthanM - do you often find women who are okay with you taking care of everything? Or do you find women that have issues with that and then how do you deal with it?

[Kitiara]

sure i can. problem being is women in general are more into design and arts then programming. As a rule, I've found that this is generally true. Sadly.

I started programming when I was about 14, because I thought it looked like fun. It was only RM Basic - dumb stuff really by todays standards. But I moved from there to Pascal, Cobol, C, C++, Visual Basic and HTML. I've taken GCSEs, A Levels in IT / Computing and got a 2:1 degree in Computer Science. And you know what? There have hardly been any women in any of those classes.

I took my GCSEs at an all girls school, so there weer no noys there. But to give you an idea, there were 110 or so girls in my year. 10 of which did Computing. A Levels I changed schools to do Computer Studies. Class of 8, I was the only girl. Similar story at University. All the programming modules were full of men, and I was generally the only girl there.

One really embarrassing thing happened when we were studying pointers in C++. Everyone was having trouble with it, and the teacher had to explain it a fair few times. After the second, he turned round and said "I'll go through that again, just so everyone understands, especially the young lady here."

I was not best pleased.

Truth is that I love programming. Strange as it may sound, drawing and art is more of a hobby for me. I started out with Web Development as a career, then kind of fell into Design as well when I saw what mistakes people were making. Now I do both.

Getting back to the original topic, I think it's just a matter of finding a man or woman that understands you. Not all men are insensitive jerks. Not all women are obssessed with hair and makeup.

If someone isn't the right person, then you can turn yourself inside out trying to make yourself attractive to them or be what you think they want, but it'll never work. The best way that I know of is to just carry on being yourself, and someone will come along and fall head over heels for you.

That's what I'm hoping, anyway. :)

[lunatic]

Getting back to the original topic, I think it's just a matter of finding a man or woman that understands you. Not all men are insensitive jerks. Not all women are obssessed with hair and makeup.

If someone isn't the right person, then you can turn yourself inside out trying to make yourself attractive to them or be what you think they want, but it'll never work.

Hear hear sister!


The best way that I know of is to just carry on being yourself, and someone will come along and fall head over heels for you.

That's what I'm hoping, anyway. :)

I think you've got more than half the forum ready to assist you here! ;) :P

Kit --> :cool:
many forum boys --> :drool:

heh heh

[The_Vulcan]

Well at my uni I would say there is a equal share of boys and girls doing programming.
Perhaps even more girls.... There seems to be a few classes of mine where there are more girls.

Speech pathology subjects is 90%+ girls
Psychology subjects would be 80% girls

Not that I am complaining. :D

[DariusMonsef]

EthanM - do you often find women who are okay with you taking care of everything? Or do you find women that have issues with that and then how do you deal with it?

Well I think that it is important to reaffirm that I don't open a door for her because I think she can't do it herself, but out of a kind of respect. It is like saying I put you before me.

And to answer your question. There are levels to it. I by rule open doors, buy gifts and treat women well, but not all will I have the soundtrack and action figure for the next day. I'm observant and if I know a woman isn't going to appreciate something I won't get it or do it for her.

And by no means do I think a woman who wants to do things herself is any less of a woman than the one who let's a man open a door or buy her a gift. Kit is right that there are different kinds of people that mesh well together.

I think there is also a second side to providing for a woman. I like a woman that appreciates what I do. If she takes it for granted or expects a gift or some monetary compensation for her attentions than that isn't what I want.

[lunatic]

(Everything you just said)

Well then maybe I should start stalking you instead of Sen! :love: You are a helluva lot closer!

[DariusMonsef]

Well then maybe I should start stalking you instead of Sen! :love: You are a helluva lot closer!

Well yes but my list of stalkers is getting pretty full. You might need to carpool with someone else.

Where exactly is stumptown? We have a stumptown coffee place here?

[lunatic]

Well yes but my list of stalkers is getting pretty full. You might need to carpool with someone else.

Fine, I'll take a da*n number. :hair:


Where exactly is stumptown? We have a stumptown coffee place here?

I am 'here'! :P southeast to be exact. How about you? Gorgeous outside right now isn't it? ;) And I drink stumptown all the time!

[lunatic]

p.s. I just gotta say that I absolutely love all the zoolander avatars going around these days. One of my top 5 movies of all time.

[DariusMonsef]

Yes I love Hansels... he so hot right now... Hansel. Then i saw yours and decided I needed a little bit of blue steel.

Myself and a fellow kirupian met at stumptown coffee last week. You should have showed up. I'm in SW. Lewis & Clarke College Area. Well I'll be here for a few more days then it's off to Hollywood. And yes it is nice outside.

[Kitiara]

I think there is also a second side to providing for a woman. I like a woman that appreciates what I do. If she takes it for granted or expects a gift or some monetary compensation for her attentions than that isn't what I want. Precisely... I'm all for paying my own way. I'll buy drinks, food, cinema tickets, all that kind of stuff. I'll buy presents for guys too. I have a pretty good job and make enough money, so if I feel like treating a friend then I have no qualms about it.

But it's also nice to be on the receiving end sometimes, whether it's a gift or just common courtesy. If a man holds a door open for me, then I'll thank him. If he insists on buying me a drink, then I'll accept - and buy him a drink the next round. :) Give and take, is my theory. :)

[lunatic]

Yes I love Hansels... he so hot right now... Hansel. Then i saw yours and decided I needed a little bit of blue steel.

Myself and a fellow kirupian met at stumptown coffee last week. You should have showed up. I'm in SW. Lewis & Clarke College Area. Well I'll be here for a few more days then it's off to Hollywood. And yes it is nice outside.

For real? For how long? Forever?

which fellow kirupian (if i may ask)?

i'll take the invite next time!

[DariusMonsef]

I met with Grennex. He's new.

And yes for as long as forever is. I'm moving down there.


And on-topic.
Kit I do beleive in a give and take relationship too. Obviously there comes a point in the realtionship where equality helps one person not become totally broke. If I married a girl I might let her pay part of the mortgage and or share finances.

[G]

if you really like a girl and she likes you it will work as long as you don't take things for granted e.g. her giving you taxi rides in her car...then she gets mad when u call her at 2 in the morining asking for al ift.

Everyone will meet their perfect partner..I hope so at least and I wish everyone luck in doing so.

Whats life without sharing it with someone? Ans = nothing.